Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
