im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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