oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
