You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
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