In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My feet surprised me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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