where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have already put on my inside pants.
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