so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
