fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
