oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
