Kiss
Puke
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
