she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
