Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
