Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
