Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
