After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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