Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
