i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
