My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
