When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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