I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
