brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
