FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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