It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
