U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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