and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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