i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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