I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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