She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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