super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
