yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
