There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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