the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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