Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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