I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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