After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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