Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
