yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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