I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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