how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
