new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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