You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
