I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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