Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
