I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
