i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
soo... how was my night?
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