woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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