Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.