My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.