i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
