Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.

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  (816): I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart. http://tfl.nu/md27
  Replies (5) Good night (607) Bad night (1086)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.

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  (425): my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired. http://tfl.nu/08pz
  Replies (4) Good night (762) Bad night (1876) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.

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  (563): My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night. http://tfl.nu/lmn5
  Replies (14) Good night (1148) Bad night (4273) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.

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  (630): Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening. http://tfl.nu/nbt7
  Replies (15) Good night (5348) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room

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  (916): Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room http://tfl.nu/yi7m
  Replies (13) Good night (1288) Bad night (3675) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.

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  (775): Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now. http://tfl.nu/j6eo
  Replies (11) Good night (3933) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.

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  (814): I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him. http://tfl.nu/ieqp
  Replies (15) Good night (3545) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  French fry pizza

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Are you brilliant or just really high?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can't it be both?

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  (330): French fry pizza (502): Are you brilliant or just really high? (330): Can't it be both? http://tfl.nu/8jk8
  Replies (8) Good night (3234) Bad night (605)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.

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  (303): Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop. http://tfl.nu/81x3
  Replies (19) Good night (775) Bad night (1661) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.

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  (201): I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world. (540): I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him. http://tfl.nu/0ulc
  Replies (6) Good night (575) Bad night (1528)
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  (530): View more from California

  Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?

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  (530): Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning? http://tfl.nu/vtt9
  Replies (3) Good night (394) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.

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  (770): Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed. http://tfl.nu/nhyv
  Replies (2) Good night (1662) Bad night (370)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left

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  (412): I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left http://tfl.nu/b3w5
  Replies (12) Good night (343) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?

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  (910): Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too? http://tfl.nu/5t37
  Replies (3) Good night (756) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it

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  (619): The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it http://tfl.nu/3uov
  Replies (8) Good night (1094) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt

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