none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY