I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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