I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
