I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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