jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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