i already hear my dad disowning me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
