I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize