I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
