I accidentally had phone sex last night
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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