Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
