Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
