JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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