It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
