I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
