remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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