The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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