no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
