U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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