How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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