So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
