after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
