The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My vagina just recognized that song.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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