remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
