Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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