can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
