i can't believe i had my finger in that
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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