between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
